i just google imaged poop.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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