If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So vagazzling was a success
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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