well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
