We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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