I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
