My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
