It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
