I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think i have herpe
just one?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
