He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have fence marks all over my body
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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