god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize