look no pants
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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