thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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