Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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