Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
