If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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