walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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