you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
