it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You pole danced in your parka.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
