so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
