HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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