I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
