a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
