Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
