I look better un-naked...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
