Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
