Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
