Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
