discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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