Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize