My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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