if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
