I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
