Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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