you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
