oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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