He had one of those small greek statue penises
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
