There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
