I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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