I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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