i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
