Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
