YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
