Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
