im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
