Do you still have your period?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
