We're facebook friends in real life
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
