So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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