Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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