I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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