I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
