So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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