The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
