just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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