no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
