Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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