I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
