My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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