can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
