he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
