you have to choose: penises or morals?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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