It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
