living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
