No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He passed out mid-signature
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
