phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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